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Post by Daffy on Jan 10, 2009 17:54:12 GMT
Has anybody got any good ones ??
Here's one -
Frank the Flasher was thinking of retiring, but has now decided to stick it out another year !!
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Post by Daffy on Jan 19, 2009 14:01:09 GMT
Here's one more . . . . .
After smashing his ferrari up, police questioned Ronaldo about the incident - He blamed it on the wall not being 10 yards back !
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Post by Daffy on Jan 19, 2009 14:12:05 GMT
Another -
Husband sits looking at his marriage certificate. Wife asks 'What are you doing?'. He replies 'I'm looking for the expiry date!'
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Post by Daffy on Jan 19, 2009 14:21:32 GMT
Finally -
A little boy killed a butterfly. His dad said "No butter for 2 weeks". He then killed a honey bee. His dad said " No honey 4 U for 2 weeks". Later the little boys mum was in the garden and stood on a cockroach. Little boy looks at his dad and said "Do you wanna tell her or should I ?"
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Post by Daffy on Feb 2, 2009 21:38:17 GMT
Some Random Facts - An elephant sh**s half its weight in two days . A mans pen** is three times the length of his thumb 2 multiplied by 2 equals 4 A woman would have finished reading this by now, but a man would still be checking the size of his thumbs !! 
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Post by Daffy on Apr 4, 2009 11:34:44 GMT
Why do you always get a really bad hangover after a night on the vodka ?? Just type in Smirnoff in predictive text and you will understand why !!  |
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Post by Daffy on Apr 4, 2009 11:37:42 GMT
Good News !! Call charges on your Network are changing. The uglier you are, the cheaper the calls. As from today your calls are free. I would have rang you but my calls are costing me a fortune now . . . .
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Post by Daffy on Apr 4, 2009 11:45:44 GMT
Message from DirectDates.Com.
We noticed that there has not been much interest in your profile for a long time. We will offer you a free month if you wish to remove your photo to help generate some interest.
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Post by Daffy on Jun 18, 2009 23:18:35 GMT
PUBLIC HEALTH ANNOUNCEMENT
"Swine Flu" will never affect you. Research has shown that it only effects Noses and Throats. It leaves a**eholes alone !!
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Post by Daffy on Jun 18, 2009 23:25:36 GMT
Blind Guy walks into a lesbian bar by mistake and orders a drink. He says to the bar maid " Do you wanna hear a joke about blondes?". Silence falls and the women next to him says "B4 you say anything, the girl behind the bar is blonde, The girl on the door is blonde,Im a 6 foot blonde black karate belt holder and my friend here is a blonde wrestler. Do you still want to tell your joke?". "Nah" says the guy "Not if I've got to explain it 4 f***ing times !"
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Post by Daffy on Jun 18, 2009 23:28:13 GMT
BNP Leader Nick Griffin was outraged by the egg throwing attack. He says they should have separated the whites first ........
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Post by Daffy on Jun 18, 2009 23:38:01 GMT
2 English tourists driving through Wales. At Llanfairpwllwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllantsilogogogoch they stop for lunch. One of the tourists asks the waitress "Before we order can you settle an argument? Can you pronounce where we are very, very, very slowly. The girl leans over and says "burrr - gurrr - king "
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Post by crappogre on Jun 19, 2009 12:16:05 GMT
PUBLIC HEALTH ANNOUNCEMENT "Swine Flu" will never affect you. Research has shown that it only effects Noses and Throats. It leaves a**eholes alone !! Very good, well, that's me safe then! ;D |
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Post by Daffy on Jun 21, 2009 0:23:50 GMT
Well Crappogre - The best you can hope for, is that all your calls are excessively expensive then . . . .
Good News - Call charges are changing. The uglier you are the cheaper the calls. As from today your calls are free. I would have rang you, but my calls are costing me a fortune !
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Post by Daffy on Aug 3, 2009 12:50:19 GMT
I am seven letters long - 1234567
My 123 is a vehicle
My 2345 was a pop group
My 456 is a piece of luggage
My 567 changes every year
What am I ??
(Answer to be found in next message)
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Post by Daffy on Aug 3, 2009 12:57:16 GMT
Finding it so difficult to get some texts that aren't rude or racialist . . . or about Michael Jackson . . .
Life before computers -
Memory was something you lost with age
An application was to apply for a job
A programme was a show on TV
A cursor was somebody who swears a lot
A keyboard was a piano
A web was a spiders home
A virus was the flu
A hard drive was a trip down the motor way
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And if you had a three inch floppy - well you just hoped and prayed that no bas***d ever found out !!
Answer re above - A CABBAGE !!
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Post by made zhao on Feb 23, 2011 4:28:18 GMT
2 English tourists driving through Wales. At Llanfairpwllwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllantsilogogogoch they stop for lunch. One of the tourists asks the waitress "Before we order can you settle an argument? Can you pronounce where we are very, very, very slowly. The girl leans over and says "burrr - gurrr - king " |
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